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Bacolod City, PhilippinesSaturday, April 14, 2012

My father is still very bitter

Dear Tita,

My mother left my father when I was still very small. Papa said she left us because she fell in love with Dave, her Australian boss who took her to Australia. She divorced my father and married Dave. My father was so bitter and angry over what Mama did. He vowed she would never see me again.

While I was growing up, Mama tried to contact me whenever she came to visit her mother, but Papa would object vehemently. He tried to poison my mind against Mama by telling me awful things about her. I can't describe what this did to my young and confused mind. I began harboring ill-feelings towards Mama until I became a teenager.

One day, while Papa was on a business trip in Cebu, I went to the mall to buy something. By accident, I came across Lola, the mother of Mama. She was so happy to see me and invited me to have lunch with her. She asked me why I never contacted Mama whenever she came for a visit. I told her I didn't care for Mama as she abandoned me when I was a child. Lola assured me that it was not true. She said Mama had to leave because she was a battered wife as Papa was a very violent husband. The beatings she got affected her kidneys and so she had to leave before things got worse. Her boss Dave was so kind and caring that they fell in love and got married.

After hearing what my Lola told me, I began to see my Mama in a different light. When Papa got back from his trip, I told him I wanted to contact Mama. This made him very angry and he ordered me never to bring this subject up again.

Tita, I want to talk to Mama very badly, but Papa forbids me. I never disobeyed him before, but this time I have to. Am I so wrong in wanting to contact my Mama?

A DAUGHTER

Dear Daughter,

It is not wrong for a daughter to want to contact her mother. Your father is very bitter and is consumed by his anger at her leaving him. He can't seem to understand that she ran away to save her life. The beatings she received from him were already life-threatening. Luckily she found Dave, a gentle and loving man.

You are now a grownup young woman – no longer a little girl who believed everything you were told. Whatever you decide, my advice is to follow your heart. You have been denied your mother's love all these years. It's time you get to know each other and make up for lost time.

TITA

 

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