They blame me for his death
My relationship with my boyfriend, Jun, was problematic. He was the impulsive type with a very possessive nature. What I hated most was his being a control-freak. He wanted to dictate what I should and should not do. This was the cause of our frequent fights.
One time, he got mad at me for going to our office party with Teddy, a coworker. There was really nothing to it as Teddy lives near my house, and it was convenient for him to pick me up to go to our office party. I didn't know that Jun had been secretly jealous of Teddy for a long time and this incident made him blow his top. He said some hurtful things to me and, in my anger, I broke off with him. He was taken aback and begged me to take him back but I refused.
That night, Jun went wild and his family tried to stop him from going out as he had been drinking, but he drove his motorcycle at full speed. He met an accident and hit his head on the pavement (he was not wearing a helmet). He was DOA (dead on arrival) when they took him to the hospital.
I was shocked when I heard the news. Despite our turbulent relationship, I still loved Jun. I wanted to attend his wake and burial but his family sent word that I was not welcome. They told people that I was to blame for Jun's death.
I have been crying for days as I feel so guilty. I know I won't be at ease until I see his body and ask for forgiveness. I know that he really loved me very much, that was why he was so possessive. I can't sleep thinking of what happened to Jun. Even his relatives and friends keep giving me accusing looks when they see me downtown.
Was I really to blame for his death?
FEEL SO GUILTY
Dear Feel So Guilty,
Stop torturing yourself. What happened to Jun was an accident. He shouldn't have driven his motorcycle at full speed after drinking. Alcohol affects a person's reflexes. Also, he should have worn his helmet which could have saved his life.
His reckless anger drove him to his death. There was nothing you could do. To help ease the pain of his death, I suggest you visit his grave when there are no people around and pray for the eternal repose of his soul.