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Bacolod City, PhilippinesSaturday, August 4, 2012

My live-in partner
is so distrustful

Dear Tita,

I fell in love with Leny (not her real name), even though I knew she was still legally married to her estranged husband.

She told me he was a hopeless playboy, who had numerous affairs even when she was pregnant with their child. The worse thing was, he flaunted his affairs, knowing how much it hurt her. When he used a big part of their savings to spend on his paramour, she decided enough was enough. She separated from him, bringing their daughter with her, while he went to live in Cebu with his paramour.

We decided to live together a few months after we met. I am committed to take care of her and her daughter because Leny is a woman I love dearly. However, after living together for almost a year, I found out that Leny has a lot of insecurities.

My problem is, she doesn't trust me. Her ex-husband cheated on her, her father cheated on her mother, and I feel like I'm paying for their sins. I work in a place with a lot of pretty lady employees. Once in a while, we all like to relax at a nearby restaurant to discuss our work and exchange ideas. Whenever this happens, Leny is terribly upset when I get home and starts accusing me of flirting with my coworkers. Whenever Leny comes to see me at the office or at a social function, I constantly have to watch that I don't talk to any woman in her presence.

She considers it disrespectful to her that they come to chat with me and she acts as if she's in constant fear that I might stray, despite my reassurances that I'm totally committed to her. This puts me in a bind and we constantly fight about it. What can I do? I feel like I'm beating a dead horse.


Dear Bothered,

There is nothing you can do because the problem isn't yours; it's your partner's.

Until she gets rid of all her emotional baggage, there will never be peace and harmony in your relationship. You have to have constant dialog with her on how to make this thing work. She has to change otherwise, your relationship is doomed.

Believe me, it won't be easy but if you two love each other dearly, you will do your best. Good luck!


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