My dream wedding

The Good Life with Eli F.J. Tajanlangit

If it happens at all, my wedding will do away with a lot of things that weddings are saddled with these days.

For one, nobody will tell me and my bride what to do. We will stick to the idea that this is a sacred ceremony, where two hearts are bound before God and man, which means it will be alive but solemn, celebratory but dignified. It is a celebration of faith, love and hope – not of achievement and accomplishment, certainly not of pelf or position.

In other words, we will not turn the wedding into a circus. First, everybody in the wedding entourage and even the guests will be people close to me and to my bride. Nobody will get to our humble guest list on the basis of power or popularity, and if a politician or star gets in, that will be because of our personal ties to them and not because of who they are.

To those who get pols for padrinos, this is what I have to say. I know them well enough to tell you that they honestly cannot remember every ahijado or hijada they have, which can be legion. So if you are thinking of getting them as sponsors just so you can have a Maninoy Mayor or Ninang Congresswoman, forget it. They certainly cannot be the advisers they are supposed to be in your marriage.

I know. This is the Philippines and everybody is related to everybody so expect everybody to come, or you ruffle feelings, raise hackles or make enemies. But this is our wedding, and for once, give us our time and the liberty to choose who to be with and how to be with them.

Don't you find it funny to be walking into a wedding party where the only people you know are the bride and groom, and no one else? How do you partake of the love and joy that weddings are supposed to celebrate, when you have to eye your seatmate with suspicion and tighten your hold on your bag, thinking just how many weddings have been crashed by the criminal and the unscrupulous, who stole not just the food and gifts, but also wallets and bags, all because we welcome strangers to what is supposed to be a private affair?

There will be an organizer, but he or she will not rule the day. Everything will flow from us, and should be done within the parameters of our faith. Off hand, I can tick off the things I wouldn't want there: butterflies or cute colored thingies or petals strewn all over when my bride starts her walk up the aisle, a choir that drowns out the voice of the priest, and worse, our own voices, when we declare “I do!” I will also make sure I will have none of those long narratives or humanly impossible pledges for vows. I will have candles but not too much, lest the church smell funereal instead of romantic.

I will have flower girls and ring bearers, young enough boys and girls, yes, but not too young they'll scream and wail at the slightest stimulus, or run all over the place and trip on the flower stands, the lights, and heavens forbid, the buffet table.

I'll make sure our parents will be in proper clothes they will be comfortable in, and not in some outlandish outfits that will make them look strange or worse, feel strange. They're old, and deserve to be as comfortable as possible wherever they are so I will not force them to wear jusi or linen or some fabric they'll feel itchy in or be in tuxedoes and gowns they are not used to.

Oh, there will be a photographer and videographer but they will stick to their original roles of being documentors and nothing else. Certainly, they will not take over our wedding by giving us a shoot list to follow. The best photographers and videographers, to my mind, are still the ones who know how to disappear in events and stay in the wings, shooting what takes place and not directing what's happening. Aren't some of the best wedding photos candid shots, taken without the subjects' knowledge?

These are just musings, of course, a dream in fact. I don't think this will ever take place. And not just because it is difficult to find a bride, but also and more importantly because we live in a time when people play for control, they now script even sacred ceremonies like weddings, there is hardly any room left for spontaneity and candidness.*

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