He resents my children

Dear Tita,

I became a young widow with two kids when my first husband died. I had to struggle to raise my kids alone. A friend of mine helped me land a job as a cashier of a business establishment.

Soon, I became friends with Nilo, a frequent customer. He was very kind and would often leave me his change as tips. It was very flattering to have a man give me his full attention and we would have merienda at a fast-food restaurant. I told him about my two kids, who were now going to school. He seemed so caring and thoughtful that it wasn’t difficult to fall in love with him. When he asked me to marry him, promising to take care of me and my kids, I said yes at once. My two kids didn’t want me to marry again but I told them it was also for their own good as Nilo could afford to give them a good education.

We were happy during the first few months after our wedding. Then things began to change. Nilo started to complain that I was giving more attention to my kids than to him. He began to resent the time I spent with my kids, helping them with their homework or their projects in school. It wasn’t long before he would complain about the money being spent for groceries or the kids’ schooling. Now, I have to put him first each time I want to spend time with my kids. I thought he was sincere about caring for them but I know now that he is very jealous of the love I have for them.

I pity my kids who are trying their best not to upset him or make him angry. They hardly laugh or smile in the house anymore. I am seriously thinking of separating from him, but how can I, when I don’t have a job and I’m totally dependent on him financially.

CONCERNED MOTHER

You have to find a job real fast so you can stand on your own two feet. If you were independent financially, he wouldn’t even think of treating you and your kids this way. He knows you are totally dependent on him so he can treat you and your kids so shabbily. This is beginning to have a bad effect on your two kids, who seem to be “walking on eggs” inside the house just so Nilo won’t be upset. If you do decide to separate from him, no one can blame you. You have a big responsibility to your own kids.

TITA