My wife never loved me

Dear Tita,

My wife Lota and I have been married for 10 years and we have an 8-year-old daughter Malu, who I adore. Ever since we were married, I could sense that Lota wasn’t very passionate with me and I didn’t mind it so much. I blamed it on her upbringing as her parents were very conservative. I tried to make her happy by buying her expensive gifts and providing her with all the comforts that I could afford.

Recently, I happened to lift the extension phone in our room while Lota was in the kitchen, chatting on the phone with her best friend Lyn. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, but when I heard my name being mentioned, I became curious and decided to listen.

I got the shock of my life when I heard my wife telling Lyn that she never got over her first love, Noel. The only reason why she married me was because her parents wanted her to help them as they were sick and needed expensive medical care. I heard her say that if she had the chance to do it all over again, she would never marry me as she was still in love with Noel, who had gone abroad to work.

She was asking Lyn how she could contact Noel through the Internet as she missed him very much. I could feel myself trembling when I heard this. I wanted to confront Lota immediately but I controlled myself. I thought of what would happen if we had a showdown and she decides to leave me. I couldn’t face it as I love my wife so much.

The thought of losing her and our daughter was too much for me to bear. So I decided to keep quiet about the whole thing. But every day, I keep worrying that she might decide to leave me anytime. Please advise me on what to do.

CONFUSED HUSBAND

NOTE: THE NAMES MENTIONED ARE NOT THEIR REAL NAMES.

Dear Confused Husband,

You have my sympathies.

It must have been devastating to find that Lota never loved you. She was in love with Noel all this time. I don’t think your decision not to confront her was a good idea. You are now living in suspense – not knowing if she will leave you anytime. The uncertainty must be taking its toll on you.

I think you should have a heart-to-heart talk and lay things on the table. Ask her pointblank what she wants. Is she willing to give up everything she has now for an uncertain future with Noel? For your own peace of mind, this should be settled once and for all.

TITA