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Bacolod City, Philippines Monday, March 5, 2012
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OPINIONS

Foolproof law

 

A widely known law (it’s not listed in law books) could cause confusion in the impeachment trial against Supreme Court Chief Justice Renato Corona. Lawyers may laugh at its importance, but it could turn the proceedings into a mockery of justice.

“If anything can go wrong, it will.” This is Murphy’s Law. This law would not affect the outcome of the trial, but imagine the sergeant-at-arms barking to the Senate gallery at the start of the session: “Java Rice” or “Plain rice” instead of “All rise.”

The order immediately turns the proceedings into an impeachment reception rather than a trial. Would it be in order if he also announces “unlimited rice,” recalling the promo of a restaurant?

The sergeant-at-arms might as well wear a bow tie, carry a tray and take orders from the gallery. “Java rice, soup and some vegetables,” one man barks at him. “Do you have noodles?” another man butts in. “All rice, not bad. I’m on a diet,” says a thin-as-reed woman, who looks like a cutout that came out of the wall décor.

Will Jose Balajadia, the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms, make such a mistake? Maybe one of these days he will, according to Murphy’s Law.

Balajadia has admitted the phrase “Java rice” and “Plain rice” stayed in his mind and he nearly blurted it out at the start of past sessions. Because of his admission, every time he appears at the trial, people wait for him to make a mistake and say “Java rice” instead of “All rise.

Well, if anything can go wrong it will, says Murphy’s Law.

Some people, however, could not wait for Balajadia to make a mistake. They turned his “all rice“ order into a mobile phone ring tone. In fact, the order has now become a fad that is spreading fast.

And why not? The order carries the authority of the Senate and backed by the full power of the impeachment court. If somebody’s mobile suddenly barks the order inside the jeepney, it will not be a surprise if the passengers jump to their feet.

The order, however, will have a different effect in a restaurant, especially the “unlimited rice” restaurant. People will not rise to their feet even if Balajadia shows up in person and announce in his most commanding voice: ”All rise.” They will ignore him. People will think he is just another guy who loves to eat rice.

Sen. Lito Lapid, who commands people’s attention when he speaks because he seldom opens his mouth in the deliberations, told Balajadia, according to press reports: “Puro ka rice. Minsan nga bigyan kita ulam. (You are always rice. Sometimes I will give you viand).

What about the other senators? We assume that the phrase is also stuck in their minds; and, one day, there will be a slip of the tongue.

Imagine Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile, the cool and astute presiding officer, suddenly making an order for Java rice. What can the sergeant-at-arms with bow tie say? “Of course, coming sir.”

Imagine the feisty and indignant Sen. Miriam Santiago, who will not brook any form of ineptness from prosecution lawyers, eyes blazing with anger and spewing fire and brimstone, and stopping at mid-sentence, and say to the sergeant-at-arms: “Java rice, please. Wha! Put it in the records, I said ‘Wha?’”

“Java rice and wha! On the record,” the sergeant-at-arms replies, pulling out his notebook like a true gentlemen wearing a bow tie.

What if nothing goes wrong? What if the sergeant-at-arms works hard to stick to “all rise” rather than Java rice or plain rice?

What if Enrile remains steady until the end, firmly in control of the proceedings, erudite and well grounded in law in his decisions? What if Santiago just goes full speed ahead without bothering with such distractions as Java rice?

Well, there are other personalities involved in the trial. Any of them can be an advocate of Murphy’s Law. The advocates warn us: “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”

If anything goes wrong, blame Murphy’s Law philosophy, which says: “It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.”*

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