My in-laws still
can’t accept me

Dear Tita,

My husband Joey comes from a well-to-do family while my parents are poor. I was a working student until I found a permanent job and so I stopped schooling to help my parents. I was able to help send my younger siblings to school. When Joey courted me, he knew about my family situation but he still wouldn’t give up and I found him so kind and down-to-earth, that it wasn’t difficult to fall in love with him. We were so happy in our love until I found out that I was pregnant. My parents were shocked when I told them. Joey kept assuring me that he would not abandon me in my condition. He took me to meet his parents at their house. I was so nervous that I could hardly speak.

They started to speak to each other in Spanish and I could see that they were not happy with the situation. Joey looked so disappointed and we left immediately. I didn’t ask him what they said as I could guess that they did not approve of me. Joey was adamant about marrying me and he took me to Iloilo where his uncle helped us get married.

When his parents found out, they were so angry that they berated Joey’s uncle who helped us. We could not afford a nice house as Joey’s salary was just enough so we could rent an apartment. His parents refused to help us. After I gave birth to our son, Joey tried to approach his parents so they could see their first grandchild. They allowed Joey to bring me and our son to visit them. Joey’s sisters were just like his parents – snooty and ‘mata pobre’. Whenever they held parties at their home, Joey would take me along. His family never introduced me to their guests and I just tried my best so they would accept me.

I was hoping the time would come and they would come to like me. It’s been fifteen years since we got married. We now have three kids and still, they have not warmed up to me. I do want their approval of me but no matter how I try to please them, there is a wall that is hard to penetrate.

SUFFERING WIFE

Dear Suffering Wife,

If after fifteen years, your in-laws still haven’t accepted you, I don’t think they ever will. It’s time to give up trying. Just go on with your life with Joey and your kids. They are the ones most important to you. You have done your best to win their approval but they are so set in their ways and attitudes that it’s almost like pounding your head against a brick wall. With so many changes happening in the world, it’s hard to believe they could still be so out of tune with the times. The thing to do is focus on your husband and kids. They are the ones who can make you happy.

TITA