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Bacolod City, PhilippinesSaturday, November 17, 2012

My son’s wife
was so controlling

Dear Tita,

I have read your column for some time, and have seen letters from women who have lived with abusive husbands. How about the men who marry super-controlling wives?

My former daughter-in-law, Sally (not her real name), is a good example. When she met my son, Alex (not his real name), he was a happy, popular and well-respected man with a good job. A few months after their wedding, her true character began to show. She made it plain that her career and money were very important to her.

She would criticize Alex’s friends and showed her displeasure when he would see them. Sally controlled everything – their money, lifestyle, their two kids, even the way Alex would dress. If she complained about how he looked, he would change and put on something she liked, just to keep the peace.

Sally was smart and was quickly promoted to a managerial position. This is where things got worse. She would shout at Alex over everything he did that she thought was wrong. She even controlled his visits to our home and we kept away from their place as we knew she didn’t like us going there. Alex’s younger brothers stopped visiting him because of Sally’s attitude.

Alex turned into a silent, moody guy, who seldom enjoyed time with his friends. He began to drink heavily. Even their kids had to tiptoe around their temperamental mother.

Last year, Alex walked out. He had had enough. He is happier now than he has been in years. He has stopped drinking and has made friends, who like to do what he does. Their kids stay with Sally but Alex wants to get them. She vowed he never will.

Tita, please advise your readers that men aren't the only ones who can be controlling. I have seen first-hand what damage a woman can do.


Dear Concerned Mother,

I do acknowledge that some women can be controlling or abusive, but you are correct that more letters appear in my column about abusive men.

This could be because men seldom admit that they are controlled or dominated by their wives. They think this would ruin their macho image and so they tend to suffer in silence. If he is really determined to get them, Alex could turn to the court for custody of their kids.

I hope this will be a lesson to those who are seeking their lifetime partners. Before you take the plunge, try to observe the character of the person you plan to marry. Look for tell-tale signs of controlling tendencies as this could be the cause of your problems in the future.



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