SHOULD I FILE FOR BIGAMY?

Dear Tita,

I married Mar when I was only 20 years old and he was 39. Despite the big difference in our ages, I loved him very much and did everything to make him happy. We were blessed with three kids, two girls and a boy. Mar didn’t want me to work as he was earning enough for our needs. My problem began when he was assigned to General Santos City by their company.

He would come home every two weeks to visit us. I didn’t like the long separations but I knew there was nothing we could do as we needed the income to support our comfortable lifestyle including the monthly payment for our new house in a nice subdivision and our kids’ schooling in expensive private schools. After a while I began to notice some changes in Mar.

He was no longer as caring as he used to be. There were days when he didn’t contact me by text or by phone. When I asked him about it, he said his work was so heavy that he hardly had enough time to rest. There were other signs that made me wonder until I decided to find out what was going on.

I got in touch with a good friend of mine in Gen San and asked her to try to investigate. She works for a law firm and it was easy for her to get information. I got the biggest shock of my life when I found out that Mar was living in with a young woman who was the daughter of a policeman. I learned that Mar married her when she got pregnant with his child. I almost collapsed when I found out everything.

My friend advised me to file a case for bigamy as she could get the evidence for me. I immediately consulted my closest friend here and she told me to weigh things very carefully. If I filed a case and Mar was imprisoned, who would support us? I thought of how I would find it very difficult as I never worked in my whole life. We would lose our home, our savings and the kids wouldn’t be able to finish college. Please advise me what to do.

CONFUSED

Dear Confused,

My sympathies are with you. You are caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. A wife’s first instinct would be to assert her right and file for bigamy. Mar would then be imprisoned for a long time. In the meantime, how would you support your family? If you had a job, you could survive albeit with much difficulty. Without a job, you could end up homeless and broke.

This is why I have always advised women to try to be independent even though the husband earns enough. You never can tell what might happen. Before you rush into getting even, you have to consider your options. Remember you are not the only one involved. Your kids would suffer too. But don’t let Mar think he is getting off easy.

Let him suffer for a while and be sure to reinforce your position, if you get my drift.

TITA