He's jealous of my success

Dear Tita,

My husband, Fil, was a successful executive when I married him. He was very popular with his friends and was a member of various civic clubs. I was an assistant secretary in the business firm I worked for and I was so proud of Fil's accomplishment at his young age.

We had a comfortable and happy life with our two kids, both boys. Fil was a good provider, and a wonderful husband and father. He was the boss in our family and had a say in everything we planned for.

The problem began when Fil lost his job over a misunderstanding with his Manila bosses. They blamed him for the sudden drop in the company revenues, without taking into consideration that there was an economic crises in Bacolod then. A lot of business establishments had to close shop. Fil became despondent and irritable at staying in the house most of the time. He didn't want to see his friends as he felt ashamed that he was now jobless.

In my case, I gave my full effort in my performance at work as I was now the breadwinner. My efforts paid off and I was promoted to a higher position. When I told Fil about this, he didn't seem happy even though it meant an increase in my salary. He began complaining about the time I spent at work, saying that I was neglecting our kids. This was not true as I was the one bringing the kids to school, and tutoring them at night. They didn't want Fil to tutor them as he was always in a bad mood and shouted at them for any mistake. We were constantly arguing over everything, especially if I had to work overtime when our clients, or my bosses, came.

Things got worse when I was promoted to a higher position, that covered the entire Negros province. I was given a new company car and other benefits. I had to buy new clothes befitting my new position. Fil sunk into deeper gloom and neglected his appearance. He began acting suspicious of my comings and goings. Often, when I was entertaining clients at big hotels and restaurants, I could see Fil peeping at me through the glass walls. I motioned him to come near but he would slink away without a word. When I got home, I would tense up because I knew we would have another shouting match.

I had been prodding him to find another job but he has completely lost his get-up-and-go. He resents my success but is content to let me be the workhorse. What should I do?

FED-UP WIFE

Dear Fed-Up Wife,

Fil is lucky to have a successful wife like you to help him when he's down and out. He has been going through a very difficult period in his life. From a successful executive, he is now a househusband.

Any man would be devastated to be in that position. I suggest you try to play down your success so as not to add salt to his wounds. Make him feel important by consulting his opinion on any decisions you make. Try to reassure him of your love and respect.

He is not the only man whose wife is more successful than he. The difference is, other men seem to be able to handle it well. With your compassion and understanding, Fil might still get over this.

TITA