My brother is lying to us

Dear Tita,

Ten years ago, my brother Ruben was in trouble financially. He was going to lose his home and possibly his livelihood. He asked my husband and me to lend him money so that he could pay off his debts and save his home.

My husband, Mon, and I are both working and we live a comfortable life. We live on a fixed income, but we had some investments payout so we had the cash to lend to Ruben. We agreed to let him have the money and he was to pay us one-third of his income every month. We left all the details to him, as we had no reason to distrust him. We didn't even have a written IOU as we thought Ruben's word was his bond.

However, we recently discovered that, for the past five years, he has been receiving a big increase in his salary and a big bonus that he was supposed to share with us. It is not a great deal of money on a yearly basis, but over the past five years, it had amounted to a considerable sum.

My husband and I are hurt and disappointed over this deception. We don't want to take legal action, or embarrass him in any way. We would like to resolve this matter in a tactful way to permit him to save face. We don't want to confront him as we didn't want him to know that his fellow worker was the one who informed us about his finances.

My brother has a more comfortable life now. He recently renovated his house and even bought a new SUV! In other words, he is not hard-up anymore. But he still pays us a measly amount every month for the money we loaned him. We have been having money problems as Mon was hospitalized recently. We want Ruben to increase his monthly payment to us.

How can we resolve this matter without hard feelings on either side?

OLDER SISTER

Dear Older Sister,

I don't see this matter resolved without your having it out with your brother.

Your kindness and concern have been abused, and you are hurt to find out that Ruben has been hiding his true financial situation from you. This must be because he doesn't want to pay a bigger amount to you every month. This will continue until you put a stop to it – and when you do, instead of being angry at himself, he might even be angry at you – so be prepared.

TITA

back to top