Things they do on stage

The Good Life with Eli F.J. Tajanlangit

If you think what beauty pageant candidates say during the question and answer portion is inimitable, one of a kind live entertainment, aficionados suggest you watch the entire proceedings. They can sometimes give you some of the most brilliant, though unintentional, theatre experiences.

After all, there is no theatre quite like a beauty pageant. The process of choosing the most beautiful one has its own unique pressures it produces unforgettable sideshows. Live and unscripted, these sideshows sometimes tell of how the average human can react to unique circumstances better than any play.

Example: One candidate introduced herself as Candidate N. 1 from “Baguio...” turned her back, and halfway on the stage, stopped and faced the audience again and screamed: “…city!”

With a million and one production concerns backstage, the competition itself on stage, and the oftentimes cruel, even savage, audience watching it, you can imagine the pressure building up, especially on the contestant. The process renders them vulnerable, almost naked, and they are likely to commit mistakes.

One candidate went on stage with only one sleeve of her Filipiniana gown attached. Her alalay forgot to attach the other one, and she thought that was part of the design.

It is physically draining. Imagine the rehearsals, the costume fittings, the trips to the parlor and even to the doctor, to prepare one’s body for it. On pageant night, candidates rush from one costume change to another, oftentimes in cramped dressing rooms. Oftentimes, so those who have had the experience say, they’d forget all about the winning, all they would want is for everything to be finished so they could go back to the safety of their homes.

It is also emotionally draining. Aside from the pressure of schedules and the nitty-gritty of the competition, there is also the matter of having to work with complete strangers. Aside from one’s fellow candidates, there is the production staff to contend with, and then the production assistants, or the alalay of the candidates.

I’ve ran two or three of these competitions and I can say the process is a meat grinder, especially for the candidates. Legendary is the capacity of the average alalay to start intrigues and feuds, to pit one against the other, candidate vs. candidate, alalay vs. alalay, crew vs. crew; oftentimes, there is a  round robin play here. Candidate vs. alalay. Alalay vs. crew. Candidate vs. Producer – the works. Let me put it simply: you do not know where the next fire will erupt, and who will ignite it.

Somebody who likes beauty pageants recall one such competition that finished at sunrise the next day. It seemed one designer had instructed his candidate to take her time when she modeled the gown on stage. Taking the advise, the candidate walked for about 10 minutes around the stage. Before the organizers realized it, the ones next to this candidate followed suit and modeled for at least 10 minutes each. Everyone else did the same, not just in this portion, but all throughout, dragging the show to sunrise.

And then there is the talent portion. One candidate performed the fire dance without professional advice and got herself burned when the wind blew in her direction just as she threw a huge flame. There is that story of another career beauty contestant, whose talent portion was an act as Sisa, which she dramatically capped by jumping down the stage. She always went home with the Miss Talent award for that, except for one time when she stopped in her tracks before making The Jump. She bitched about that record-breaker for a long time after. It seems like some envious candidate had scattered broken glasses in front of the stage, right where she was supposed to fall.*

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