Spark of wisdom

Many people try but only few succeed to become pork-free. But losing is not a problem. The losers say: “It's no big deal. Eating or taking pork is like committing a sin. It's fine if you don't mind having guilty feelings.”

Those who succumb to pork's distinct butterfat taste proclaim without guilt: “It's delicious.” Others who could not resist the greasy benefits aver: “Pork feels good in the pocket.”

Whether it is cash in the pocket or another of its kind in the mouth, pork embellish our lives.

“Life without pork is an illusion,” said an obese gourmand, his mouth in perpetual motion like a cud-chewing carabao. A toothpick is permanently clipped between his lips like an unlighted cigarette.

“I agree. Pork plays a vital role in our lives,” says a congressman in an Armani suit, who is driven to his office in a Mercedez Benz with two carloads of bodyguards. “Pork means school buildings, roads, bridges and other infrastructure. It creates jobs and gives our economy a boost.”

Two kinds of Filipinos are snotty pork lovers: the cook and the politician. The cook prepares mouth-watering recipes such as lechon, adobo, and barbecue. The politician has deep pockets bulging with “pork barrel” funds.

The rest of the population either benefit from the cook's concoctions, or the politician's projects and largesse. In a sense, we are all active participants in the pig industry. No one is exempt, not even those who claim they abhor pork on religious grounds.

Malacañang is the main hog raiser in the country. It controls releases of pork barrel funds, which is officially called Priority Development Assistance Funds. The hog raiser uses pork as a weapon to flog political enemies or reward subservient allies.

How much pork is slurped and bandied about?

The Aquino Administration has P22.3 billion in pork barrel funds in the national budget. The budget department distributes it to 270 members of the House of Representatives and 23 senators. A Congressman gets P70 million a year in pork, while each senator receives P100 million pork annually.

A politician is joking when he says, “Pork is bad for the health.” How do you know that he's lying? You know he lies when he speaks of pork-free living but his moving lips are oily.

In fact, no congressman aspires to be pork-free because a pork-less one is almost good-for-nothing. Without the pork, infrastructure development in his district grinds to a halt.

A pork-less congressman can rave and rant on other issues and earn good review for his bluster and eloquence. But his performance suffers in the eyes of his constituents, if he fails to deliver concrete projects such as school buildings, roads and bridges with huge billboards emblazoned with his name and smiling face.

A pork-less congressman or senator tells people about his outstanding career, the bills he filed and enacted into law, his extensive travels abroad. “I'm good-looking and intelligent. I can give you a better life,” he tells constituents.

But what do people say to a pork-less politician? Will they vote for him? People say: “Yeah, when pigs fly.”

When the cook and the politician meet is it unusual that they talk about pork? The cook complains: “Prices have gone up.” The politician chimes in: “I'm getting a lot of cuts.”

The cook gets into the kitchen to prepare food. He gets back with a tray of lechon kawali and pork adobo. “Eat the pork but avoid the fat,” the cook says, taking a knowing look at the figure of the obese politician.

The politician waves the cook away and pounces on the food. “Pork is pork. A life without pork is an illusion,” he says.

The budget department said seven senators have spent at least P110 million each from Congress 2011 pork barrel funds. They are Senators Edgardo Angara, Jinggoy Estrada, Gregorio Honasan, Manuel Lapid, Ralph Recto, Vicente Sotto and Manuel Villar.

One senator, Ramon Revilla, spent P210 million, which was P100 million more than the others. The budget department said Revilla spent P115 million to purchase 529 “multicab” vehicles that he distributed to his constituents in Cavite.

“It's not true,” the senator said according to press reports. He said he only bought 23 multicabs and that his pork was not padded to reach a total of P210 million. He said the amount is grossly disproportional to those received by his colleagues. The budget department has admitted its mistake.

The cook shakes his head. In a rare display of wisdom, the cook says: “Does it matter? Pork is fine if you don't have guilty feelings. Life without pork is an illusion.”*

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