'Kids repeat what they hear'

Dear Tita,

My son Tony and his wife Lilia have two kids, aged 5 and 6. I love my grandchildren very much and I enjoy their weekly visits. I have always shown Lilia I love her like a daughter and welcomed her into our family. She seemed so nice and respectful just like my own daughters. Whenever my grandchildren come to visit me, I play with them and tell them stories of my childhood in the farm. They enjoy this very much.

Last month, I was so dismayed when they told me that their Mama said she doesn't like to come to my house because she hates the food I cook for them. They told me all the things their mother has been saying about me: that I wear too much make-up, that I have bad breath (I don't!) or that I am always asking or borrowing things from her but I do not return them. When I asked my grandchildren who their mother has been complaining to about me, they told me she was talking to her own mother, their other Lola.

I know the kids were not making up their stories as they are too young and too innocent to be inventing tales. I am sure they just repeated what they heard at home.

I never thought that Lilia, who seems so sweet and sincere, could say those awful things about me. After hearing this, I immediately returned the things I borrowed from Lilia. I wanted to confront her about what she has been saying about me but I don't want her to get mad at the kids for repeating what she says.

Now every time she calls and talks sweetly to me, I do not trust her anymore. I feel that she is so plastic and "doble cara". I don't even want to invite her to my home. But I love my grandchildren very much and I want them to visit me often. Should I tell Tony about this? I told my other daughters and they too, are angry with Lilia. How should I handle this situation?

BETRAYED MOTHER-IN-LAW

Dear Betrayed,

I have news for you. This happens to a lot of families too. Some members say "not-so-nice" things about their in-laws (or even their own family members for that matter). But this is often said in jest. I have heard some of my friends make kwentos about their family members but I just laugh it off because I know there is no malice in it.

Lilia probably wasn't aware that "little ears" were hearing what she said to her mother in confidence. Try not to make a big deal out of it. If you like, you could tell Tony and Lilia about what you heard and just handle it lightly. Treat it like a big joke. I'm sure she will be embarrassed to death. Show her how gracious you can be in spite of everything. It shows good breeding and elan. This way, she can be aware that you know.

TITA