No

The Good Life with Eli F.J. Tajanlangit

If there’s one word Pinoys have a difficulty saying, it must be the two-letter “No.”

We hem and haw, stutter and stammer, sometimes take a deep breath and sometimes smile sheepishly before saying that word. Oftentimes, in fact, we would even rather lie, and say “yes” when we really mean “no.” Or to avoid lying but still avoid saying it, we say “maybe…” or “let’s see…”

Try asking somebody if he has eaten already, especially in a place where there are plenty of people and he’ll most probably say, “I’m still full…” or even “Yes!” even when his eyes are pleading otherwise. This must take some gall and guts, this ability to lie and say we’ve eaten already when we have not.

Thus, to complement this refusal to say no, we have also, as a people, developed the habit of insisting. This is most clearly shown when we try asking people to taste some food. We do not give up on the first no. “Here, try this, it’s good!” we’d say, and when we are told “no, thank you,” things heat up. We would even slice or scoop the food and spoonfeed it. “It’s really good…try a little… it won’t harm…its really good.”

In cases when people invoke some medical condition or oftentimes, being on a diet, we still insist with, “oh…just a little…just take your medicine later…”

Can you imagine how much time and resources we are wasting on this illogical propensity? This just occurred to me the other day, while waiting for our late lunch, when Good Friends A and D were complaining about how they wasted their entire morning waiting for the mechanic who came hours later than he promised.

It was very clear, D said, what time he was supposed to come. When he finally came hours later, he said he couldn’t make it earlier because there were plenty of things to be done in his shop.  If he had a full schedule, why did he not say so? Because, I said, like most of us, your mechanic cannot say no.

Over the years, having to work with all sorts of people from different strata of the community, from the very rich to those who are just pretending to be, from the very poor to those who think they are, from idiots to geniuses, from artists to pretenders, the bright, the stupid, the scheming, the manipulators, the users, there is one common character trait I have picked up: generally, Pinoys do not want to say no.  Cuss words roll out easier from our tongues than the word no.

There are exceptions, yes, but they are few.  It’s like the word is an affront, a symptom of bad manners, a disgraceful, distasteful word.  How many plans have been left hanging, or even gone awry, how many emergencies could have been avoided had people been straightforward and just simply said “no?”

Somehow, along the way, we learn how to read the yes when people mean no. I’ve developed a way of distinguishing the real score, like some sixth sense, as I guess most of us in jobs that have deadlines eventually do.

I’ve honed the skill dealing with workmen and handymen, the plumbers, technicians, electricians. I’ve learned to tell if they are indeed coming back as they promised. I have also learned to take things at face value, you know, a no is a no. I refuse to insist otherwise. Somebody once approached our table in a restaurant at the mall, and since we were really doing nothing, I invited him to join us and try the cheap pizza on the table. “Oh, I’m full…” he said, maybe expecting me to insist. I left it at that and I kept eating and he kept talking, taking the occasional tell-tale swallowing of saliva every so often.

Finally, he asked: “Is that really good?” pointing to the pizza. I said, “No.”*

For feedback, go to www.lifestylesbacolod.com, check Bacolod Lifestyles on Facebook and follow @bacolodtweets on Twitter

back to top