Should I just leave him?

Dear Tita,

My husband Mon (not his real name), is a lawyer and is quite popular here. I married him when I had just graduated from my college course. I wasn’t able to work after graduation because Mon said we should get married right away. I became a plain housewife contented with raising our three kids and taking care of our home.

Now, after 12 years of marriage, I find myself in a quandary – should I leave him or should I stay in this unhappy union? Since we got married, Mon ruled my life. He made all the decisions about where we would live, what school to send our kids to, how much money we would spend, etc. In short, he has this macho image of himself that he is the boss and everyone should obey him.

If I tried to go against his wishes, he would get mad and become abusive, even when there were people around us, including our kids. I didn’t have a say in anything. It has come to a point where the kids would always ask his permission for anything they want to do. They stopped asking me a long time ago.

People think I’m very lucky having him as a husband because he is a good provider. But deep down inside, I feel so resentful and rebellious. He won’t allow me to work, saying the wife’s place is at home to take care of the family. How I envy my friends who are married and enjoying their career. They can spend their money any way they want and their husbands respect them. In my house, I am a college degree holder but I feel so fully-controlled by my husband.

He doesn’t hurt me physically but when he’s angry, he hurts me deeply with his insults and put downs. I thought of consulting a lawyer about leaving him but all the lawyers I know are his friends.

What can I do?

UNHAPPY WIFE

Dear Unhappy Wife,

When Mon married you, he promised to love, honor and cherish you.

But the way I see it, he has not fulfilled his promise. He treats you like one of his possessions and you allowed him to do that from the start. If you only stopped him when he began treating you this way, he might have realized that what he was doing was wrong. But as the years went by, he got used to it and now, it has become his way of life. He expects you to do his bidding and would become abusive if you don’t.

This isn’t a marriage – its human bondage! Time will come when you won’t have any more self-esteem.

Your children have more respect for their father than they have for you. If I was in your situation, I would have left a long time ago. He may not have been physically abusive but you are an emotionally-battered wife. Times have changed, girl. You have to do something or spend the rest of your life feeling bitter and frustrated.

TITA